The challenge of difficult conversations came to my mind this week following a discussion with a client who was dealing with a situation of apparent persistent bullying behaviour by one of their supervisors. The manager had tried to address the issues informally in the past, without success, and they were anxious about tackling them again, particularly given the small, close-knit nature of the team and the supervisor’s “fobbing off” of previous concerns.
Reluctance of leaders/managers to tackle such issues is, in my experience, certainly not uncommon, and the mere prospect of having a potentially difficult conversation with a team member can be daunting to many. Yet, as highlighted in the Effective Leadership component of the Success Through People Model, the ability (and willingness) to tackle these conversations head-on is a hallmark of truly capable leaders.
So Why Do Leaders Avoid Difficult Conversations?
Let’s be honest: very few people wake up excited to deliver criticism or confront poor behaviour (indeed, another business owner I spoke with this week said that he’d been awake since 2am worrying about a looming difficult conversation!).
There are plenty of reasons why leaders and managers shy away from these discussions, including:
- Fear of conflict – Worrying the conversation will damage relationships or create tension.
- Lack of confidence – Inexperience, and/or feeling unprepared or unsure about how to communicate concerns constructively.
- Desire to be liked – Wanting to maintain harmony, even at the expense of addressing issues.
- Hoping issues will resolve themselves – Believing that, with time, problems might just “go away.”
While these reasons are understandable, avoiding difficult conversations can create bigger problems for your business in the long run.
The Real Cost of Avoidance
When leaders don’t address poor performance or inappropriate conduct, the impact ripples far beyond the individual involved.
- Team morale suffers. Other team members notice when issues aren’t addressed, which can lead to frustration, resentment, or disengagement. High performers may even start to question their own commitment when they see poor behaviour going unchecked.
- Culture takes a hit. A key pillar of the Success Through People Model is building a workplace culture where expectations are clear, accountability is real, and values are lived every day. Ignoring problems undermines all of that.
- Business performance declines. Unaddressed issues can spread, dragging down productivity, quality, and ultimately, business outcomes.
- Reputation risks. If inappropriate conduct is ignored, it can impact not only your internal culture but also your external reputation—especially in small to medium-sized businesses where word travels fast (“Who’d want to work there!?”, for example).
The Importance of Having the Conversation
Effective leadership isn’t just about making the tough calls—it’s about having the courage to address what needs to be addressed, when it needs to be addressed. Leaders who are willing to have difficult conversations:
- Model accountability and integrity. They show that everyone, including themselves, are held to the same standards.
- Protect and reinforce the culture. By dealing with issues promptly and fairly, they demonstrate a commitment to the vision and values of the business.
- Support individual and team growth. Honest feedback—delivered well—can help people improve, grow, and feel valued.
Tips for Navigating Difficult Conversations
While there’s no magic formula, here are a few practical tips to help you approach these conversations more confidently and constructively:
1. Prepare, but don’t script unless you absolutely have to.
Know what you want to say and the outcome you’re seeking, but avoid sounding rehearsed. Gather facts and examples to support your points.
2. Focus on behaviour, not personality (ie. “Play the ball, not the man/woman”. Yes, I do love a sporting analogy!).
Address specific actions or outcomes, not the person’s character. For example, “I’ve noticed deadlines have been missed” rather than “You’re unreliable.”
3. Be clear and direct, but respectful.
Don’t sugar-coat or dance around the issue. State your concerns clearly, but always maintain a tone of respect and empathy.
4. Listen as much as you speak.
Give the other person a chance to share their perspective. Sometimes, there are underlying issues you’re not aware of (eg. illness, neurodivergence, addiction, relationship issues at home). I’ve also had occasions in which the person concerned is genuinely unaware of what’s expected of them (and thankfully sorts it out once expectations are made clear).
5. Agree on next steps.
Work together to develop a plan for improvement and set a time to follow up. Clear expectations and accountability are key. In repeated or particularly difficult cases, Performance Improvement Plans, formal warnings or other more formal measures may be necessary.
6. Seek support if needed.
If you’re unsure how to proceed, consider seeking advice or training. Sometimes, having an external facilitator/advisor or coach can help.
Final Thoughts
Having difficult conversations isn’t easy—but it’s essential for building a high-performing, engaged team and a thriving business. As a leader, your willingness to address issues constructively is one of the most powerful ways you can support your people and the success of your business or organisation.
Want to learn more about turning feedback into real results?
Download a free guide from our associated brand, HR Success : From Feedback to Results – A Simple Guide to Managing Employee Performance (includes a link to download a template Performance Improvement Plan).
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